Election 2020: The Anarchy Primaries Will It Come Down to Sanders vs. Bloomberg? | Under the Radar - Music Magazine
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Election 2020: The Anarchy Primaries

Will It Come Down to Sanders vs. Bloomberg?

Feb 25, 2020 By Steve King Web Exclusive
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Liberals worry. They worry about real things. Conservatives worry about fake things. Democrats worry so Republicans don't have to; that's the way things work. At least until recently, the fundamentals of our democratic schism were strong.

Warren isn't being erased; she just can't turn out votes as well as she debates, and we are all the lesser for it. Buttigieg is a beautiful nothing. Biden is sinking fast. I don't know how many times you cannot win a primary before people stop talking about you, but here we are. Biden may still yet be a player but he is mortally wounded by his previous primary losses. How many firewalls does he have left? It's the B Bois we have left to choose from. And they are all painfully white. We could look at all the remaining candidates in the Democratic primary, but to the overlords, it's really down to the last two candidates.

Bloomberg vs Bernie: The Battle of the Jews. (I can say it because members of my family fled the Nazis back in the day.) Two men with a shared heritage and diametrically opposed values, worldviews, and accomplishments. The billionaire and the socialist, er, millionaire. A billionaire Jewish media mogul or a Jewish socialist. It's like a conservative nightmare. The Bloomberg/Bernie battle is inevitable, but Sanders will be the nominee and the hill Democrats have to die on in the war against Trump. Anyone else will destroy party unity worse than it already is.

Let's take a moment for The Fallen: Swalwell, Hickenlooper, Williamson, Booker, Delaney, Yang, Inslee, Moulton, Gillibrand, De Blasio, Ryan, O'Rourke, Messam, Bullock, Sestak, Harris, Castro, Bennet, Patrick, Schultz.

Warren, Biden, Klobuchar, and Buttigieg offer the best antagonists yet for the frontrunner. This is the perfect self-destructive primary. We are living through the primary that only the Left could love. It's just a free-for-all. This is the Anarchy Primary, where it's every person for themselves, no lanes, and you can get shanked by your best friend. This is the definition of Democrats In Disarray.

Mayor Mike Bloomberg

What can we say about Bloomberg that he hasn't beamed directly into our brains with his $500 million ad buys? The Bloomberg ads have been inescapable. They're on TV, Facebook, every web page you read. He has in a very short period of time developed a godlike status in the American mind. Bloomberg is omnipresent, self-funded, and a torpedo aimed directly at the president. And just like any god, his weakness has been broadcast to everyone as well, courtesy of Elizabeth Warren and the debate curb-stomping witnessed by tens of millions of people. But voter's memories become hazy after another $100 million worth of ads. You have to give him credit for his epic presidential troll game. It's amazing, truly. But with Sanders being a fake Democrat, the last thing the race needs is another. Bloomberg is prepared to go to the Democratic Convention, which is terrifying because the only thing worse than nominating Sanders would be denying his nomination in favor of a billionaire.

Senator Bernie Sanders

For all those thinkpieces about electability, turns out real voters don't give a sweet, merry, little fuck. Hey? Hey. What's worse than a billionaire megalomaniac? A millionaire who pretends he's not. What's worse than that? A political party that's trying to sabotage the natural selection of the nominee. What's even worse than that last one? Said nominee's useful idiot supporters being manipulated, again, by the Russians. 

With his wins in Iowa, New Hampshire, and now Nevada, Sanders is probably unstoppable. And he's just getting started. If he were to win the White House, he would have a difficult time keeping his troll army, because his governing philosophy runs contrary to the reality of 2020 America. So naturally he will have to betray his stated values in order to govern in a 50/50 country, which will then alienate his supporters. Game it out. But shit, I'll take that over a nazi idiot. I dream of it.

What would a Sanders Administration look like? He's kind of alone in town. The thing he has excelled at (besides nothing) is pissing people off. As soon as he puts adults like Kamala Harris in charge of a place like the Justice Department, his supporters will say he sold out. His administration could fail hard like Carter, but that would still somehow be preferable to another four years of Trump. Is it akin to nominating McGovern or Goldwater? Oh, hell yeah. But maybe Susan Sarandon was right. Would that be the worst thing???

Aside from Sanders' cult of negative personality, he has shown a remarkable ability that only white men of power seemed to have achieved: Nothing bad sticks to him. That is a powerful weapon for a president. 

So that's it. That's the choice. An all-powerful plutocrat and the leader of a left wing cult. It's like watching a train coming toward you when you're tied to the tracks. Maybe Democrats shouldn't have impeached Trump. Maybe we should have paid closer attention as a small but vocal suicide cult took over the Republican Party. But, hey, sometimes they win and it all works out. With the nomination of Sanders, the Democratic Party will become no different than the Republicans.

Trump doesn't need to deploy his dark powers of persuasion. The president's approval numbers are up since impeachment, he's got low unemployment and a surging stock market, and the economy is booming. He's got great fundraising, and a digital advantage rivaled by none. Trump finally doesn't even need the Russians to win this time, but they're still ready to help, just as he's more than willing to throw drowning liberals a cinder block. Going by the normal metrics of presidential re-election, it's his to lose.

All of the people who could be president (Biden, Sanders, Bloomberg, Warren) are old as fuck, painfully white, and all have issues winning minority voters. Not having a minority or woman at the top of the Democratic ticket for the first time since 2004 is pretty depressing, and an orange skinned illiterate nazi goon doesn't count as a minority. We were lucky to have two cycles where we didn't have to vote for the default candidate. The VP selection has never been more important as a result. I'm looking at you, Stacey Abrams.

It's impossible for Trump to win a majority. So his only path is another asterisk, bullshit win that leaves him somehow the most important person in the world, but also the second place winner. It's a historic injustice. The country faces an existential threat, and Democrats are botching the fight.

The 2020 election will be the final nail in the coffin that separates the two parties, but it won't be because of the normal reasons. It will be because of abnormal reasons. Still, I've got that old 2004 sinking feeling. Liberals hate this president so much they're not recognizing that their real adversary probably lives next door. They're blinded by their hate to his strength as a politician. So, to quote Rumsfeld, another high priest of bullshit: "You go to war with the army you have. Not the army you might wish you have."

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